Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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