Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
