does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize