I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
