Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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