Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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