But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize