listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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