can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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