addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
