its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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