We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
