found the other keg... it's in the tree
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize