mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
