Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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