Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
