Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
