Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
