What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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