Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
