Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize