I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
