he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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