the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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