Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
