Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
