dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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