you didnt know i had herpes?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
