dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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