Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize