The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
