It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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