I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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