You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize