So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize