my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
