You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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