Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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