he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
