When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
