So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
