If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
