no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize