i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
