Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
