And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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