We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
