I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
