Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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