ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
