my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
