i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
