if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
