I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize