Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's blow job season.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
