oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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