Your face is a jimmy john
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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