are you still at the devil's house?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
