Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
