The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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