I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
