So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
