no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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