When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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