I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
