We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
