Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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