Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i have two assholes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
