part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
