Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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