dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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