nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
