we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
