My liver just broke up with me...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Less talking, more tequila
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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